Next to Top 10's, my favorite guilty pleasure that the Internet has given us sports fans is preseason predictions. Don't know why, can't really explain it. So here's one now.
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EASTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFF TEAMS
#5 ~ New York Rangers
Subtracted Jagr, Avery and Shanny and added Naslund, Zherdev and Redden. A good enough supporting cast and a fantastic netminder will put the Rangers at no worse than 3rd in the Atlantic.
#4 ~ Pittsburgh Penguins
Far too much dirt was thrown on the Penguins after they lost Hossa and like half of their roster to the Lightning. Any talk about them missing the playoffs is beyond ridiculous. The Satan/Fedotenko additions will suffice, M.A.F. is the shit, and, as much as we make fun of him, Malkin is an offensive monster. Only thing keeping me from putting them first is the extended absence of Gonchar and Whitney.
#3 ~ Washington Capitals
God this division sucks: Boo to Carolina. Same to hopeless Atlanta. The Lightning are relying on a coach who's still riding the cred from his 1993 Gretzkey team. The Panthers ... I almost said fuck it and put them 8th. Not that anybody is saying they won't, but if the Caps don't win the division this year it will stick with Ovechkin for longer than the duration of his 34 year contract.
#2 ~ Philadelphia Flyers
Holy forward depth. Then again, the rest of the parts could let them down and they could drop considerably.
#1 ~ Montreal Canadiens
Clearly the addition of the great Robert Lang puts them on top in the East this year.
QUARTERFINALS
Canadiens over Bruins
Flyers over Senators
Sabres over Capitals
Penguins over Rangers
SEMIFINALS
Sabres over Canadiens
Penguins over Flyers
CONFERENCE FINAL
Penguins over Sabres
#8 ~ Phoenix Coyotes
What?
#7 ~ Nashville Predators
Just a hunch: Hawks won't be able to get over the hump and the Preds will find a way to make the playoffs again. Then, demorilized after the league turns down their petition to add a loser's bracket to the playoff format, they will forfeit the franchise.
#6 ~ Calgary Flames
I can't make up my mind whether I'm terrified of playing this team in the playoffs or completely terrified. Kipper has fallen off a bit, though.
#5 ~ Anaheim Ducks
Oh, Selanne and Niedermayer for a whole season this go-around, eh? Still a solid squad. Pronger losing the "C" is good for 2-3 wins by itself.
#4 ~ San Jose Sharks
They won't get be able to get that monkey off their back for at least another year. Keep on truckin'.
#3 ~ Edmonton Oilers
YES, the Oilers ... Minnesota has a down year and the young guns of Edmonton lead the way to a division crown, as well as a classic battle of Alberta in the first round.
#2 ~ Dallas Stars
They've got a lot of the necessary tools to win it all. And Mike Ribeiro is a douche bag.
#1 ~ Detroit Red Wings
The talent level on this team is fucking stupid. Conventional wisdom would say that anything less than Cup #12 would be a disappointment this year. But that doesn't sound like any fun. I don't want to take this shit for granted, having a stellar hockey team. I want to enjoy each and every game this season without having to worry about whether we can crack 60 wins or not, whether Zetterberg hits the 50 goal mark or whether Hossa is as good as he can be. I'm just glad the wait for the season is nearly over. I want to watch hockey again, and, just like any other year, I plan on taking advantage of every opportunity I have this year to watch the Wings. If it's the best season in Red Wings history, that's cool. If not, we'll have to deal with it. I just want to see this squad in action already.
But if they don't win the Cup, so help me God ...
QUARTERFINALS
Red Wings over Coyotes
Stars over Predators
Flames over Oilers
Ducks over Sharks
SEMIFINALS
Red Wings over Flames
Ducks over Stars
CONFERENCE FINALS
Red Wings over Ducks
***** STANLEY CUP FINALS *****
Red Wings over Penguins
#8 ~ Boston Bruins
Meh ... somebody's gotta sneak in. Maybe this is the year that Brodeur spontaneously combusts in Jersey around game #70 and the Devils fall out of the playoff picture.
#7 ~ Ottawa Senators
This will be the year that they miss the postseason ... but I'm too much of a ninny to say that in all seriousness. Oh, and good luck with the whole Martin Gerber thing.
#6 ~ Buffalo Sabres
They're not missing the playoffs two straight years. Ryan Miller bounces back in goal, and ditto for Maxim Afinogenov, who will decide to not hit the snooze on this upcoming season.
Meh ... somebody's gotta sneak in. Maybe this is the year that Brodeur spontaneously combusts in Jersey around game #70 and the Devils fall out of the playoff picture.
#7 ~ Ottawa Senators
This will be the year that they miss the postseason ... but I'm too much of a ninny to say that in all seriousness. Oh, and good luck with the whole Martin Gerber thing.
#6 ~ Buffalo Sabres
They're not missing the playoffs two straight years. Ryan Miller bounces back in goal, and ditto for Maxim Afinogenov, who will decide to not hit the snooze on this upcoming season.
#5 ~ New York Rangers
Subtracted Jagr, Avery and Shanny and added Naslund, Zherdev and Redden. A good enough supporting cast and a fantastic netminder will put the Rangers at no worse than 3rd in the Atlantic.
#4 ~ Pittsburgh Penguins
Far too much dirt was thrown on the Penguins after they lost Hossa and like half of their roster to the Lightning. Any talk about them missing the playoffs is beyond ridiculous. The Satan/Fedotenko additions will suffice, M.A.F. is the shit, and, as much as we make fun of him, Malkin is an offensive monster. Only thing keeping me from putting them first is the extended absence of Gonchar and Whitney.
#3 ~ Washington Capitals
God this division sucks: Boo to Carolina. Same to hopeless Atlanta. The Lightning are relying on a coach who's still riding the cred from his 1993 Gretzkey team. The Panthers ... I almost said fuck it and put them 8th. Not that anybody is saying they won't, but if the Caps don't win the division this year it will stick with Ovechkin for longer than the duration of his 34 year contract.
#2 ~ Philadelphia Flyers
Holy forward depth. Then again, the rest of the parts could let them down and they could drop considerably.
#1 ~ Montreal Canadiens
Clearly the addition of the great Robert Lang puts them on top in the East this year.
QUARTERFINALS
Canadiens over Bruins
Flyers over Senators
Sabres over Capitals
Penguins over Rangers
SEMIFINALS
Sabres over Canadiens
Penguins over Flyers
CONFERENCE FINAL
Penguins over Sabres
**********
WESTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFF TEAMS
#8 ~ Phoenix Coyotes
What?
#7 ~ Nashville Predators
Just a hunch: Hawks won't be able to get over the hump and the Preds will find a way to make the playoffs again. Then, demorilized after the league turns down their petition to add a loser's bracket to the playoff format, they will forfeit the franchise.
#6 ~ Calgary Flames
I can't make up my mind whether I'm terrified of playing this team in the playoffs or completely terrified. Kipper has fallen off a bit, though.
#5 ~ Anaheim Ducks
Oh, Selanne and Niedermayer for a whole season this go-around, eh? Still a solid squad. Pronger losing the "C" is good for 2-3 wins by itself.
#4 ~ San Jose Sharks
They won't get be able to get that monkey off their back for at least another year. Keep on truckin'.
#3 ~ Edmonton Oilers
YES, the Oilers ... Minnesota has a down year and the young guns of Edmonton lead the way to a division crown, as well as a classic battle of Alberta in the first round.
#2 ~ Dallas Stars
They've got a lot of the necessary tools to win it all. And Mike Ribeiro is a douche bag.
#1 ~ Detroit Red Wings
The talent level on this team is fucking stupid. Conventional wisdom would say that anything less than Cup #12 would be a disappointment this year. But that doesn't sound like any fun. I don't want to take this shit for granted, having a stellar hockey team. I want to enjoy each and every game this season without having to worry about whether we can crack 60 wins or not, whether Zetterberg hits the 50 goal mark or whether Hossa is as good as he can be. I'm just glad the wait for the season is nearly over. I want to watch hockey again, and, just like any other year, I plan on taking advantage of every opportunity I have this year to watch the Wings. If it's the best season in Red Wings history, that's cool. If not, we'll have to deal with it. I just want to see this squad in action already.
But if they don't win the Cup, so help me God ...
QUARTERFINALS
Red Wings over Coyotes
Stars over Predators
Flames over Oilers
Ducks over Sharks
SEMIFINALS
Red Wings over Flames
Ducks over Stars
CONFERENCE FINALS
Red Wings over Ducks
***** STANLEY CUP FINALS *****
Red Wings over Penguins
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